Log in

06 December 2006 @ 11:39 pm
Two weeks ago Friday, I had a routine six month check-up and mammogram. On Friday night, they called to tell me there were no signs of cancer in my mammogram. However, even before those tests, I had been having pain in my back and side for about a week. So, by the Saturday night following that Friday call, when the pain in my side became sever, my husband took me to the emergency room. They did a CT scan, among other tests, which found cancer in my bones and liver... And my glorious first semester in grad school, and everything else in my life really, suddenly came to a screeching halt...

The rest of this story is posted in a new journal I stared, Hygieia180, and after this post I will not be posting much in the way of details about my health to Hypatia360. The new journal will allow me to keep friends and family up to date about my situation without having to relive telling the details over and over on the phone, and without having to filter what I say in this journal to be polite and appropriate for them to read. But this also conveniently allows me to keep this journal from becoming solely a depressing soap-opera; so if you want more info on the women with cancer part of who I am, go there .

You can find me: Limbo
Feeling Kinda: crushedcrushed
Listening To: Blackbird, Sarah McLachlin
08 November 2006 @ 06:34 pm
I know.. I know, they're all corrupt... but that's for tomorrow.
Today, I am having a happy day.

You can find me: Cloud Nine
Feeling Kinda: happyhappy
Listening To: Beautiful Day
08 November 2006 @ 12:56 am
This is an ap to an LJ list I found by tracking back emotion regulation as an interest.. Given that this is one of my research and clinical interests I was hoping some relevant discussion might go on there. If your not on this list but are interested in Emotion Regulation too, please comment below, I’d love to connect... and you could always share a Freud joke, I love Freud jokes.. or any other psych joke really.

Read more...Collapse )

9) Do you have a sense of humor about psychology? Tell us an amusing anecdote or joke (you don’t have to, but we’d really appreciate it!)

I think I do.
My favorite saying is, “Freud was on crack”, does that count? Well maybe not, given that he really was!

My husband says his is a much better attempt at humor.
Freudian Slip: Where you say one thing, but really mean your mother

You can find me: On the fence
06 November 2006 @ 08:28 pm

I haven’t voted, except in presidential elections for years... and even those infrequently. I am no longer an O'babe, but I am still more comfortable with libertarianism (even though I don’t think most Libertarian candidates have a clue what that really is) and there is usually no hope of getting the people I really like elected.

However, this year, I have found a whole new reason to care... the nightmare depicted in a little graphic novel I read a few years ago is keeping me awake nights.

Read more...Collapse )
It's not that I think that the Democratic party holds some utopia in store. Honestly, I think they are probably just about as corrupt as the Republicans, but I am certain that neither are as corrupt as the Bush Administraion... and I am not clear which Republicans are for or agaisnt, or even part of that! So I see the Democratic candidates as currently the only hope to end the sweeping and unprecedented erosion of our freedoms, a process that this administration seems to think we will quietly sit back and allow as long as they wave the flag and claim all who oppose them are traitors (which, let's be clear, they now actually have the power to prosecute in whatever way they see fit without justification).

My goal is not just to vote out the incumbents, but to vote them out with enough force to send a clear message.. We are not complacent. We are not scared of you. And we will act to protect our covenant with each other as a nation; to protect the civil rights of all members of this country regardless of religion, race, gender, or sexual orientation; and to act in the world in accordance with our shared values of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness... We will act with our votes, with our voices, and if need be with acts of open defiance of this oppressive regime… And for that we are not ashamed, because we are NOT THE TERROISTS here.

But regardless of wether or not you agree with me on that point, VOTE.. vote your conscience whatever that is.
Just don't, whatever you do, sit back and hope that it can't possibly get any worse.


To Read: The Veil , a section of the novel Persepolis, or a message from the bipartisan Union of Concerned Scientists on the Bush administration.

To Hear: Keath Oberman’s reasons why you should VOTE
You can find me: On my soapbox
Feeling Kinda: workingmotivated
Listening To: Keith Oberman on Lying & on Voting
28 October 2006 @ 11:17 pm

This is not new, so I am guessing most have already seen it... but if you haven't, now is a good time to get angery enough to want to make change. He's not Edward R. Murrow, but he's close enough to get the job done.

Beginning of the end of America

You can find me: A Big Comfy Couch
Feeling Kinda: grumpygrumpy
Listening To: I'm not, but if I was it'd be something by Ani
23 October 2006 @ 10:50 pm
Response Paper
On Becoming a Person, by Carl Rogers

[This book is considered a cornerstone of counseling psychology. Rogers’ method is basically accepted as necessary, but not sufficient, in terms of modern therapy technique. The book itself is easy to get a hold of at any used book store; probably for no more than a $1. If you've read it, or are reading it or other books on therapy, please chime in!]

In establishing his theory, Rogers makes several core assumptions: that people are essentially good, that the human mechanism is geared for growth and change, and that people know what is best for themselves. Rogers envisions that clients move through seven stages during the therapy process, however he stresses the idea that this process is ongoing and that it’s ideal result is not moving from one concrete understanding to some new, better, rigid form, but instead is a recognition that life requires comfort and competence with navigating change. Each stage involves a “loosening” of some rigid stance or idea which was previously perceived by the individual as the only possible reality.

Rogers asserts that individuals in the second stage have not yet begun to question these inflexible constructs or "unquestioned reality"; for instance, giving someone else ownership of their problem. In their progress through the second to fifth stage, individuals are increasingly becoming aware of their feelings, allowing a cognitive understanding of the problems to become proximal to their own behavior, and gaining skill in expressing feelings although often still as distant perceptions. Rogers, indicates that the fifth and sixth stages are crucial and the most vulnerable part of the process, in part because as individuals begin to fully experience their feelings they gain a heightened sense of immediacy. No longer hiding from incongruence’s, individuals “vividly experience” the emotion (pain, desire, frustration, disappointment, etc.) associated with their conflicts, and actively make attempts to resolve separations between their most intimate experience of themselves and what they believe are acceptable thoughts, feelings, or behavior. Ultimately, they come to take ownership of feelings that had previously been to threatening to perceive as belonging to themselves. In the seventh stage individuals can experience and express their emotions freely. They can also confidently navigate the communications and interpersonal boundary shifts that maintaining a congruent and fully present self requires.

This conceptualization of therapy feels intuitive and consistent with my own experience of seeking to better understand myself and learn to better navigate my relationships with others. However, I see some major weaknesses in the idea that this is always the process of self-development that individuals need to experience. Read more...Collapse )

To hear Dar sing: "I don't go to therapy to find out that I'm a freak" go here
To buy the album: Visit Dar online
Feeling Kinda: geekyCritical Analysis Mode
Listening To: What do you hear in these sound, Dar Williams
22 October 2006 @ 06:49 pm
So, I got an 84 on one of two the two total stats tests. I count that as a victory, given my history with math, and the ten year gap between when I graduated high school and when I returned to collage in 2001... well, that and the class average. Most of our class time was spent on watching the prof. work proofs, so nearly everything I learned, I got from reading, and rereading the book. We are covering two enormous texts, so.. I guess it's one down and one to go!

But, it took every thing I had just to get here. I studied day and night, literally… and that, in between other intense assignments and family stuff. Overall, the first six weeks of grad school were completely insane. There was NO me time. I have never been so focused and dedicated to anything in all my life.

Then, just about the time the stats test was over, the work in other classes died down too.
At first I thought that was a great relief, but now I kind of wish that things had stayed completely overwhelming. That's because slowing down gave me a chance to recognize how exhausted and burnt out I am, that it is hard to get motivated to jump back into the grind again.

But I'll get there...
Feeling Kinda: listlesslistless
08 October 2006 @ 02:22 pm

I just wanted to say, I love my husband, brings me food, checks on kids, entertains himself, and tells me how much he wishes we could spend more time together...
But I Hate stats.
You can find me: My Porch
Feeling Kinda: boredbored
Listening To: The Logical Song, Supertramp
08 October 2006 @ 09:36 am
It's the full moon, and I am thinking about how far I have come from the moment I stood under a moon just like this one, and dreamt that I could change my whole life... leave my unhappy marriage, stop being an at home mom to go back to school, battle down my fear of failing or worse ending up destitute... truly believing that I was lazy and incapable of taking care of myself.

I have had so many battles since then, my first real job, having to carry the weight of being responsible for supporting my family, an abusive boyfriend, clinical depression, budgets, getting back into college, single-motherhood, moving cross country, blending families, crazy ex-wives, first years of a second marriage.. for both of us, undergraduate degree, honor thesis, cancer...

Recently, I got a few emails from people who check this journal, worrying that I might be very ill because I haven't posted in so long. I feel bad that I didn't check in at all; I wasn't thinking about how that might look for people who care. I'll admit that I did feel pretty down when treatment ended.. maybe physical exhaustion, maybe my mind's desperate attempt to escape the anxiousness of "now what". But right now everything looks fine... on paper. I have my six month check up in a month or so and that is when they do the first post-treatment mamogram. However, in the past two months I have started my Ph.D. program full swing, and I don't have time to worry about cancer anymore... or anything else. Right now it's 4:30 in the morning, and I really should be studying or sleeping, which I only get to do for about 4-6 hours a night these days. There is no time for anything else, and I have to steal time I don't have just to interact with my husband and children.

Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining. Honestly, I have never been happier in all my life! I Love my program, the professors and researchers I am getting to work with, and the freedom I have to develop my own research ideas with multiple mentors (of which there are plenty to choose, given that we work can between three departments, Educational Psychology, Psychology, and Human and Community Development all well respected productive research environments). My primary advisor is just fantastic to work with! And, every time I feel the complete exhaustion of grad school with a family, I think "Oh my god, I never thought I would make it to this!" and I feel giddy all over again that I actually got accepted to a counseling psychology program that is 5th in the nation!

Add to that, the fact that I get to be a part of the most amazing group of people everyday. The other first years in my program are well… they are like a dream come true. They are kind, sensitive, genuinely intellectually hungry and seek to integrate the ideas we are being exposed to into a holistic worldview. We have all gotten pretty close, because everyone is feeling like they can’t make it anymore, everyday… and this feeling is a whole lot easier to take when your not alone there. But I think it may be more than that, because several people have told me that they heard about how close we all are, like that is something unusual and special about us. I think one thing that makes our group's cohesion possible is the diversity of our experiences and skills, and that we have all gotten invested in each other’s success. My most amazing experience so far, was a moment just after we had to debate an ethical issue in class. My brain did that thing were I am just on, and words come out of my mouth barely processed, but eloquent and concise. I was grabbing points out of the other group’s arguments and cutting clear to the logic effortlessly… it was really fun. I didn’t start to worry about the [i]usual[/i] implications of rising to my full potential in that moment, until I had finished the closing argument… just as I began to be concerned, I heard a kind of awe sound go around the room. Then several people from both sides of the debate complemented me. WOW! It was the most glorious feeling, to be everything I am capable of and recieve from others around me, not fear or distain, but the genuine admiration of people I admire. It’s like that! We look out for each other, and we are proud of each other… it’s a very unusual experience for me... maybe just unusual period.

If that weren't enough.. I am even getting to teach Educational Psychology. I have a class of 25 for two hours each week. It is really the highlight of the whole experience. They are an impressive bunch of thinkers who will go on to be teachers (they are all Ed majors) and I get to influence how they think about that a little more every week. I tell them that this is important to me, because I failed out of college the first time. I tell them that I once turned in a math test with nothing but a poem that was just two steps from a suicide note written on it in high school, and got it back with nothing but a big red zero, no phone call to my mom, not an are you okay.. nothing. I tell them that I struggled with dyslexia, ADD, and a difficult family life growing up… and one day not to long from now, I am going to be in their class. I am going to seem difficult and unreachable, but I am really just sitting in the back thinking I am stupid and that I can't make it. Then I say “and how what you communicate to me about who you think I am, and how you interact with me could have to potential to help me save myself form taking over a decade to get back on track to realizing my dreams.... or it could make the difference between my succeeding at all. Then we talk about science and I try to get them to stopping equating the word with the “who is John Galt” kind of mentally it that the Republican party is selling them right now. The professor, a man distinguished for teaching excellence, who oversees the course is also a joy to work with… and he thinks I am great too.

Wow, I am becoming everything I promised the moon. I am becoming a teacher, healer, and a writer/researcher… without even realizing when I began I was taking up that path. When I started all this I just wanted to leave an unhealthy relationship, maybe create a happy marriage one day. Along the way while striving desperately to become more hardened and to be more realistic vs the starry-eyed idealist of my past... I have ended up exactly where I dreamt I’d be in my most mystic moments... Ha.. she changes everything she touches..

You can find me: My Home Office
Feeling Kinda: Enthusiastic
Listening To: She Changes Everything She Touches, Libana
I have discovered that I have been living under a rock and the world has passed me by. But I am in luck because there is now a reference guide for the pop-culture impaired. Wikipedia has an entire cross-referenced "volume" about the Simpsons including not one but many indexed lists of important Simpsons info.

Two that may be helpful to interpreting Jeff's comment to my last post (assuming you like me are living the life of a hermit) are:
A List of Recurring Characters from The Simpsons ... see Jebediah Springfield/Hans Sprungfeld, and A List of Neologisms invented by The Simpsons ... see Embiggens. But just incase you think this is all just a trivial pursuit you should know that serious academic work has apparently been done on the subject. If you still aren't sated you can check out this link to music and songs from nearly every episode with music at Simpson Crazy.com

But what can you do about all this...?
Well that depends on whether you want to stop or join the insanity?

If you want to join it: Some Wikipedians have formed a project to better organize information in articles related to The Simpsons. This page and its subpages contain their suggestions; it is hoped that this project will help to focus the efforts of other Wikipedians. If you would like to help, They request that you inquire on the talk page and see the to-do list there.

If you want to stop it: ...well, then you are pretty much alone and should keep it to yourself at least on the Web anyway. I searched and only came up with a few articles dissing other articles that apparently at one time dissed The Simpsons.

Me? I have to admit that the stuff I turned up lead me to believe you guys could very well be some kind of brain-sucking cult.. but I won't say that too loud just in case. In the meantime, I will probably start watching one of the I don't know 13 or so seasons that are even now sitting in my family's DVD libary. In other words....

To Be Continued.......

Happy Loafing,

To Hear: They'll never stop the Simpsons try here , for the Lyrics try <a href="http://www.letssingit.com/?/simpsons-the-2m77n.html> here </a>
Feeling Kinda: geekygeeky
Listening To: They'll Never Stop the Simpsons